My Testimony
At the age of twelve, I would come to know Jesus, but only out of a fear of Hell and an unknown eternity. Riddled with fear, insecurity, guilt, shame, and doubt- I would allow these things to become a cocoon that wrapped me up for much of my teenage years. As the odd girl out, I yearned for approval and affirmation amidst bullying and self-induced rejection. At eighteen, I had a conversation with God in which I advised Him that I knew myself better than He and that I could do life just fine on my own. Being the Gentleman that He is, my Abba Father politely stepped back and allowed me to try. During this season, I learned the truth about free will and unconditional Grace.
Looking back on my season of revelation, I see the little blessings He placed in my life- my family who loved and taught me to do likewise. My best friend Lisa who loved me just as I was and never let me quit. My beautiful friends who encouraged me to be me. (You know who you are.) My youth pastor, Tawanna, who showed God's love through obedience and commitment to my spiritual growth. And, of course, my fantastic husband Tony, who would not allow fifteen-year-old me to get lost in the thoughts of fear and affliction.
Over the years to come, I would struggle with the challenges of being an unwed mother, a bankrupt twenty-one-year-old, and a severely depressed daughter in great need of her Father. After being diagnosed with a rare brain tumor in 1994, I would find myself in a seemingly inescapable dark hole. It would be a little orange Bible that would encourage me to look up.
Luke 15:11-32 tells the story of “The Prodigal Son.” This parable would become my life. Little by little, my Father unwrapped the cocoon from around me and gave me His hand while helping me step out of the self-imposed box I had placed myself. He rescued me from a life of fear and gave me faith. He healed me from the inside out and showed me how precious I was to Him. In 2005, I re-dedicated my life to Him and began a journey seeking my Father's heart. It was through the tragedy of my first child going to prison in 2012 that I would be forever changed. While my family was seemingly ripped in half, my Father would pour his love and grace over us while encouraging us that He was in control and we only had to trust. Being the Type A personality that I am, I struggled with letting go of control but finally gave everything to Him, at which point He replaced my worry with His peace. It was through this season of my life that He would draw our family closer together as He drew us close to Him, and as a result, a beautiful gift would be unwrapped within me—a desire to write. I had never been interested in writing. You can ask my sweet editor, Lauren; I am not the best at putting words together. But I was pregnant with them. It was like I was the bottle that God poured the overflowing oil in and through. And while my words have not been perfect, I pray they have touched even one. My greatest desire is that they always remain faithful to the One worthy of praise.
Recognizing the great faithfulness of my Father, a desire to help others to know Jesus and the grace that is freely ours was born. My husband invited me into a serving position with our local High School Ministry. I said no; I had been to high school and did not want a redo. But over the year, God drew me closer and watered the seed that my husband had planted. The day I said yes to serving High School students, my life changed once again. I have been blessed to serve and walk alongside amazing men and women of God who choose to follow Jesus as we lock arms on a mission to help every young woman know Jesus and know who she is in The Father’s Eyes.
My life hasn’t gotten easier, but it has gotten sweeter. Season after season of gentle encouragement has led me into a desire for intercession, pastoral counseling and mentoring. I don’t know where God is taking me in His beautiful story, but He has my yes.
So here I am, sharing the Love of my Father. I pray that you, too, will be blessed as our Father draws you near to Him.