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The Gift of Grief🌻

Writer's picture: Eve M. HarrellEve M. Harrell

Updated: Jan 17

Hey, Ya'll! Welcome to Fun Fact Friday. My name is Eve, and this is my week in writing. Grab your favorite beverage, and let's chat about grief.


Today's Fun Fact (well, perhaps not fun, but a fact nonetheless): Grief is about loss, not death alone.


Have you ever lost something or someone? 


My sons were nine and six. It was our first time going to the new Mall of Georgia. We had been to malls before, but never one so large. It currently stands as one of the largest malls in America, covering 1.7 million square feet and three stories, but I digress.

I remember looking up as I walked through the double doors. My boys were enamored with all the toys welcoming us into the food court while my friend and I were in awe of the elaborate fixtures. Unfortunately, I was not paying attention to my children.

Not even sixty seconds passed before I realized my youngest was gone. I called his name as I desperately searched around the play area. As my oldest played, I asked him where his brother was, and he shrugged while my heart pounded in fear. I wish I could tell you I was at peace knowing God had my son in His perfect hand, but that would be a lie. Instead, I ran around anxiously calling his name. Some looked at me with pity, others with disdain. I didn't care; my son was missing. The three-story room was loud yet deafeningly quiet. The emotion was so great inside of me that I began to sob. At that moment, my sweet blonde-headed son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and with a big smile, said, "Momma, come see..." If he only knew.


I weep about that harrowing fifteen minutes of my life, even today. While thankfully, I did not lose my son, I did lose my peace and my confidence as a mom. Twenty-five years later, I take this moment and give myself permission to breathe and grieve that loss.


Do you have a loss to grieve?


Many of us walk around in grief without recognizing it. The Cleveland Clinic has an excellent overview of grief here, explaining the potential physical and behavioral symptoms, the five stages of grief, and ways to care for yourself or another as you or they move through the stages of grief. I won't duplicate their efforts, but if you want a deep dive, check it out.


Over the years, grief has gotten a bad rap. I get it; it's overwhelming to consider the time and effort needed to process a loss, but perhaps it's time to look at grief through a different lens.


Today, I would like to highlight this beautiful survival response through an excerpt from Revealed Mercy, book two of the Revealed Book Series.


When the subject of her friend group came up, Derrik noticed something was off. “Maddie, you didn’t say anything about Kaitlyn. How are things?”
Suddenly filled with dread, Maddie had hoped he wouldn’t think to ask. Old, familiar feelings churned within her stomach as she hesitated. Looking down at her hands, she focused on her PKO scars. Am I okay? She wondered.
Pastor Derrik sat patiently as she processed her feelings. After a few moments, he broke the awkward silence, saying, “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. But if you do, I’m here.”
“No, it’s okay. Honestly, I don’t know. Just the other day, I thought I had a breakthrough when Ms. Sonya asked where God was when it happened. I was feeling better. But now, I just wish she was here. I wish she could see all this.” Looking out the door’s window toward the sanctuary, she sighed.
Pastor Derrik paused and asked, “Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“Sad, angry. . .” Taking a deep breath, she wanted to run out of the room; but she knew this was something she needed to work through. God, please take away these anxious thoughts, she prayed silently.
“Those are real and valid feelings, Maddie. Anything else?” He asked.
She shook her head no.
Cocking his head to the right, he looked up and said, “Hm, I think I would feel those things; I would probably also feel confused and maybe a little helpless?”
She looked up at him again as he put words to her confusing thoughts.
“Yeah.” she agreed.
“You girls suffered a trauma, Maddie. I can’t imagine what that experience must’ve felt like for you. And the feelings you’re having are completely normal. What you're feeling is grief. For every trauma, there is a loss that must be grieved. It's okay to feel sadness and anger."
Maddie looked up nervously, “What if I'm mad at God?”
Derrik chuckled, "He can handle it, just don't hold it in."
The diagonal pattern on the arm of the couch gave her an excellent excuse to keep from looking up. "I'm just ready for it all to be over," Maddie admitted.
"I get it; grief is exhausting, isn't it?" He asked.
She nodded in agreement.
“The truth is, Maddie, that grief is work, and you will feel tired both emotionally and physically. And that is okay. Remember, grief is God’s way of relieving the pressure.”
Maddie held out her hands and said, “Rachel taught me to put my pain in my hand and lay it at the cross.”
Nodding, he said, “That is very wise. Would you like to do that right now?”
“Yes, Sir.” Closing their eyes, he led Maddie in a prayer of surrender where she laid down her sadness and her anger. He then prayed peace and healing over her.

Did you hear what Pastor Derrick said? 

"For every trauma, there is a loss that must be grieved..." 

and 

"...grief is God’s way of relieving the pressure."


My Friend, grief is a gift.


But Eve, the pain is so great! How can you say that?


When we grieve, we are never alone. Remember our letter from week 28, Bottles in Heaven? God wants to grieve with us. How do I know? Psalm 34:18 says: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

He saves those crushed in spirit.


It bears repeating that grief has gotten a bad rap, and I think the Lord wants to give us a new perspective. When I was growing up, the response "you'll get over it" accompanied the feelings I experienced when I was grieving, and shame would soon follow when I didn't just "get over it." But the closer I get to Jesus, the more I recognize His fingerprints on my journey. Most importantly, I see the gift in this survival response—the gift is Him.


I wish I could wrap my arms around that young mom. I would tell her, "Yes, grief is attached to every loss, but God wants to relieve the pressure and replace it with His Presence." 


Friend, He also wants to open the pressure relief valve for you and welcome you into His perfect peace. Are you grieving a loss? Today's FREEmium includes three pocket cards that have served to heal my broken heart. Click FREEBIE FRIDAY using the download link below to download your copies.


I would love to pray with you in this season. Hit reply and tell me how I can stand in the gap with you. The gift of grief is not limited to the relief and peace found in Jesus. He also blessed us with one another to intercede and stand in the gap, and I would be honored to pray with you.


Plus, I've shared resources from my community below that may help you this season.

I pray that you will receive His gift, knowing you are in the arms of the one who loved you first.


Grief Resources from the Revealed Community






A Prayer for you:

Father God, we thank You that you are close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. Lord, I lift the person who is suffering a loss to You today. I pray they will feel Your presence and know Your peace. Help them, Lord, to lay their burdens down and receive Your yoke that is light. Comfort them as they mourn Lord, just as Jesus promised. Abba, I thank You for healing the brokenhearted and binding up their wounds. I pray today will be a day of comfort and grace for the person reading this as Your hope is revealed. In Jesus' Name, I pray, amen.


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